Libra ♎︎

Let’s talk about The Onion hijacking Infowars with a rainbow logo. Sweetie, this is not satire—it’s performance art. And with Venus grinding up on Uranus in decadent Taurus, you, dear Libra, are the curator of today’s cosmic drag ball. Mars, Mercury, and Saturn all doing the conga in Aries make this a day for bold declarations (“yes, those ARE real pearls, Cheryl”), but also for calling b.s. on anyone peddling conspiracy couture. The Gemini Moon’s mischievous square to Neptune? Think: confusing DMs from a hot stranger who’s either a poet or a bot. The Sun/Pluto tension asks, “Why so serious?”—so push boundaries, remix the rules, but keep your sense of humor sharper than Joan Rivers at a Met Gala afterparty. If Tuesday feels like a gender reveal on acid, just remember: the real tea is in how you blend the spectrum, not pick a side.